Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
