i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
