apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
