I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
