Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
