Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
