You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
