She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
