Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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