dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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