you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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