Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
