I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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