wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
