dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
