I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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