I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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