Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
