I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
