Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
