I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
