Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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