so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
