we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize