I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
