THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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