you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
