Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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