if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
