How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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