Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
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