in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
