I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
