i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
