we're chasing vodka with high fives
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
