p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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