you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
