I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
