Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
