If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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