Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
