I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
