you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
