I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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