Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
