This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
