Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
