he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
