The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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