Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
