thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
