The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
