There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have fence marks all over my body
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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