Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
