I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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