its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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