alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
