Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
