best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
