So drunk its hurt
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
