"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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