is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
