It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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