her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
and she was petting her beer can
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
