moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
