I molested 6 butterflies tonight
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
All the doctor said was why
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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