So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think my fart just growled at me.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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