remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
