If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
