sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Your shirt... Was in my pants
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
