Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
