Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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