yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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