Apparently you make a good broom.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize