I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
His hands were made for my vagina.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
