i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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