This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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