You made me cry and you don't even care
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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