I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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