does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
