also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
