i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize