you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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