____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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