dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
