I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
