I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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