does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize