You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
pray to the hookup gods
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
